Anders character is quite strong and he has trait of an Aries - STUBORN. Usually when he wanted something and if I said “no”, he will cry and whine. This will make me feel very frustrated. There are times he will take “no” for an answer but it would make up less than 10% of the overall situation. When he starts to whine & cry, I will feel very embarrassed, especially when we are outside. It makes me feel like I am a very lousy mother, cannot even discipline my own son.
Just last Saturday, when we dined at Jack’s place, Father in law even threatened to “beat him” if he continued to misbehaved. I know my FIL’s characters, he’s not one in favor of corporal punishment, and it must have been so bad that he felt that Anders needs some formal discipline. So I knew it was time to get him out of everyone sight before I lost my temper.
Yesterday, it was equally bad when he don’t listen to my instructions. I told him to wear shoes to get ready for school; he refused and just lay on the floor. Then at night, when I told him he can’t have apple as he already ate too much, he started whining. So finally, I GAVE UP totally.
I gave him the apple. I even told him there are oranges in the fridge; he can eat them if he wants to. Also there are biscuits, chocolates and sweets etcs. He started telling me: “mommy, I don’t want to eat. I want to rest my stomach.”
So now I know, I will not hit myself against STONE. I will let him have whatever he wants. Then he can decide for himself on what is best for him.
这种吃软不吃硬的性格将来会对他不利，不过以目前的情况，只能用这种方式来 应付他。希望它能够学习如何接受 “不”为答案。
我的容忍已经到了极限，真的希望这一 却 能过快快成为成长中的过去。。。。
4 comments:
Hello Astee,
I can understand your frustration on these esp when you are in public places. Just to let you know that you are not a lousy mom but just that there is a better way to handle situation like this. Just to share with you the method I used to stop Grace's whining for things she wants.
Never give in once you have said "NO". Once you said no and give in, there will be another time it will happen again. Children work this way. For me, I will strictly tell Grace that she cannot have something and if she were to challenge me, she knows she will be disciplined. Since young, we used this method and so far, tho' she will try at times for things she really wants, but it will not prolong if I asked her to stop. We do give her lots of hugs and kisses and reassurance that we love her that why we teach her. (of cos you love your anders and different parents have different methods)
I'm not sure about Anders eating behaviour at home so I can't really comment on it but if you were to start him to have a proper one at home, I'm sure he will be able to sit properly outside. Just my 2-cents worth of thoughts.
Really. It depends on individual, if your method works and it doesn't irritates you then do your way. Just don't let your anger builds up and explode before action on it. The child(ren) will feel unjust if they know that parents only discipline when parents are angry.
Don't be discouraged. You are really a good mom to both your precious. take care ya dear friend!
Hi Jean,
Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Yes,indeed, i has tried the same matter as your suggested, but anders actions is just incomprehensible.
Sometime, i think that because Anders was being taken care by my maid, so his characters is less desirable. (Think my maid gave it to him too much.)
Anyway, i will try my best and used the matter that best suits the situation.
Thanks,
cheers,
astee
Guess we are really dealing with challenging kids nowadays.
I am also experiencing something similar now with Iden. Cries and whines for no reason. Haiz... can go crazy.
You are definitely not a lousy mother. It is just one of those days where the kids decide to test our limits. I always believe things will get better when they get older. Hang in there.
Hi Idy,
Yeah, consolation is thing will get better as they grow..i hope..: P
cheers,
astee
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