This week Adrian has been spending time with Anders. After dinner, he will bring him to the park and let him play sand. His real intention is to spend time to “talk” to Anders. Adrian knows that I am under tremendous stress from handling Anders, so he is now trying to help me see the “LIGHT” of the problem.
Last night during dinner, we had a short discussion and he acknowledged that Anders is not the norm and he is hoping to find the root to the problems. Is it hyperactive or Terrible 3, this we are still learning as we go along.
For the last few evenings, I have more time to myself when they are out. I did my routine house chores and after that, I simply rested. It was a very good feeling to NOT to have to run / shout after Anders.
After the few night outings, has Anders change? I don’t think so but I am keeping my hopes open. I need to be POSITIVE. Now that Adrian is still around to help me with discipline him but come year end or earlier 2008, he may be send for another oversea attachment, I will need to face Anders alone. So it is time to build up my confidence level with him and learn to LOVE him again.
Read from the website on these 2 sentences and I find them very useful:
＊父亲看问题的角度与母亲不同。母亲有时整天缠身于孩子之中，常常被弄得晕头转向；而父亲从单位回 到家，却能看出问题的关键所在，并找到解决问题的方法。
＊爸爸有时善于管教孩子。父亲得学会坚决有力，既不严厉也不放纵。只要他们相信自己能掌握好火候， 管教起孩子来就十分自然和容易。这就使妈妈感到放松，因为她们知道丈夫会支持自己，不需要与难以管教的 孩子孤军奋战。如果父亲逃避管教，甚至站在孩子一边，就会对妻子有所损害，使她感到孤立无援。做父亲的 应该支持自己的妻子，并且应该去做对孩子要求更严格的人。
I know Adrian’s works are also very demanding of him, physically and mentally. Thus I am really grateful of him to have taken his time to share this difficult moment with me.
I really pray hard that Anders can comes out of this stage fast and happily.
7 comments:
That was so sweet of your hubby to help you out :)
As parents, we are learning along the way... Hope Anders will past this phase soon.
Oversea attachment? For a long time? You may want to consider getting a helper then... Or you can sought help from your family members.
Hi LZmommy,
Yes, i am grateful for his help and i am really looking forward to the new phase. Good or Bad, i have no clues.
His attachement may be for 3 months and we will arrange for logistic helps for either my parents or inlaws when time comes.
cheers,
astee
first time here. Read a few of your post on Anders. I think is quite a tough time for you and your family now. But, you are so lucky so have such a good hubby though!
Hope you'll get over it soon! :)
Hi Healy,
Thanks for dropping a note.
Yes, it's tough time but we will have to learn the process and i believe with the Strong family unit, we can go through it together.
Many thanks for your regards.
cheers,
astee
Hi Astee, this is the tough period. You have been strong all the while. I think you are tired lately to handle these issues. It's not easy, many children may or may not go through the same phase. I also know that you have done your part in teaching and disciplining him. And I also know that it is tough on your part esp when you are not at home with Ander full time to 'arrest' the problem immediately and teach on spot. That causes frustration on your end.
Anders need lots of attention at this age. Maybe you can try to find out thru normal conversation what his heart needs or wants. Maybe you can get some clue from there and attend to him. I'm not sure if this is tough for you to do, what I normally do when Grace has her occasion misbehave, I would sit down and talk to her, mostly I let her talk, I will ask her questions and slowly guide her to tell me what her heart is thinking. From there, I will see if it is really defiane or just a child's need. Sometimes, it is just his needs and he doesnt know how to express so he may do something to catch your attention or tell you thru there.
You have been a very good mom to both your children. Not easy to be a working mom and a caregiver at night to them.
Don't think too much, just remember to be calm even when handling the toughest issue... tough but try to..take care.
Hi Astee
You have been tagged :) http://babieslz.blogspot.com/2007/07/my-7-vanity-sense-facts.html
Hi jean,
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Yes, each time he wanted something,we encouraged him to talk to us. But somehow, he just want to CRY & WHINE...so it's not that we do not try.
Attention - i give him as much as i can but somehow it's just never enough.
I know it's a phase/stage that we have to go through and i will learn as much as i can.
cheers,
astee
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